What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
