I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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