I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
