I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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