yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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