so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
