Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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