8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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