I just made out with a guy for $7.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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