This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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