dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
