I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
