I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
