I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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