wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
