try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
