Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
