I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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