did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
