this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
