pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
