I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
