i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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