oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
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i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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