Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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