I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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