the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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