Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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