This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
