Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
