Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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