had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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