is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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