sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
God, I missed his penis.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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