as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
