i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
