hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
