McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
