So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
