Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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