You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
