i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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