i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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