oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
