Apparently you make a good broom.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
