You just made me feel so damn special
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
