420 ftw
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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