That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
dude. I can hear the air.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
