Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
