So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to make out with him forever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
