I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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