does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
