i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
