I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
