whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
