zippers are such a cool invention
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
