I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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