Duck Duck Cougar?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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