Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i out mim tonsoeep
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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